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Musings Report 2023-27 7-1-23 Advice from the Oldest Living Person: Avoid Toxic People
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For those who are new to the Musings reports: they're a glimpse into my notebook, the unfiltered swamp where I organize future themes, sort through the dozens of stories and links submitted by readers, refine my own research and start connecting dots which appear later in the blog or in my books. As always, I hope the Musings spark new appraisals and insights. Thank you for supporting the site and for inviting me into your circle of correspondents.
Advice from the Oldest Living Person: Avoid Toxic People
I posted a link to this article in From Left Field in February of this year. It's worth re-reading and pondering.
World's oldest person on the keys to longevity: 'stay away from toxic people':
"Order, tranquility, good connection with family and friends, contact with nature, emotional stability, no worries, no regrets, lots of positivity and staying away from toxic people" is what Branyas credits with her longevity, according to the Guinness site.
"Life is not eternal for anyone," she tweeted on New Year’s Day. "At my age, a new year is a gift, a humble celebration, a beautiful journey, a moment of happiness. Let’s enjoy life together."
The article did not describe what characterizes a toxic person. My impression is toxic people are insecure, negative, needy and demanding, and so they suck everyone around them dry. This is why they must be avoided: no matter how much you give them, they remain insecure, negative, needy and demanding. They drain us until our own life force is depleted.
This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some signs of "a toxic human being to be avoided at all costs":
1. They always have to get the last (self-serving) word.
2. They flip what they're actually doing (toxic) to a self-serving rationalization. So when challenged while they're bossing everyone around, they'll insist they're "sharing, not telling." Demanding that you comply with whatever works for them is described as "helping." Being aggressively dictatorial is described as "being responsible."
3. If you disagree, they say "there's no talking to you!" In other words, the only acceptable response is to agree with them. Disagreement is taken as a mortal insult.
4. Compassion is always a one-way street: they say they're being "compassionate" to themselves, i.e. forgiving their own toxicity, but they exhibit no compassion for those who suffer from their negativity or challenge their demands.
5. They display "spiritual" signifiers (Tibetan prayer flags, crucifixes, etc.) around their home / office while expressing the most mean-spirited comments in a mean-spirited tone. They often characterize themselves as "spiritual."
6. They instantly go into attack mode when questioned or challenged, as if attacking the questioner eliminates the question.
7. They cannot apologize sincerely. They only grudgingly apologize as an introduction to a self-serving rationalization.
8. They are envious / jealous of others' fun and accomplishments.
9. They are petty, spiteful and immature, holding grudges and deploying "the silent treatment" pouting to punish those who challenge their demands or who don't obey promptly enough.
10. They want to be admired but make no effort to be an admirable, kind, thoughtful, generous human being.
11. They are unable to praise others' accomplishments if they outshine their own. They are ungenerous with praise, and whatever grudging praise they do offer is qualified with a snarky comment designed to delegitimize the accomplishment: it was only luck, etc.
12. They are unable to listen and simply acknowledge / empathize with what another person is expressing. Their response is to immediately interject know-it-all opinions and unasked-for advice, which is invariably misplaced or wrong.
13. They evince unwavering confidence in their own knowledge and advice even as they move from one misjudgment to the next.
14. They either break down into tears or explode with rage when the tables are turned and their own mean-spirited attack mode is turned on them. They are incapable of seeing the destruction wrought by their meanness and pettiness.
15. Rather than build themselves up by becoming a better person, they seek to bolster themselves by undermining others.
Any one of these is a giveaway that you're dealing with a toxic person. The greater the number of these traits being exhibited, the greater their toxicity. The net result of these traits is that real honesty is impossible, and so real communication and a real relationship are also impossible.
As Seneca observed, "All cruelty springs from weakness." The toxic person is profoundly insecure and weak. There is no remedying toxic people, and so the only available option is to avoid them entirely.
Being around positive, generous, productive people enhances our lives. We don't need to be saints, we just need to be kind, thoughtful and able to listen to others.
As William James observed, "Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind."
Highlights of the Blog
The Make-or-Break Fork in the Road Ahead 6/30/23
Breaking/Broken News You Might Have Missed 6/29/23
Dear Aliens: Could You Please Stop Fooling Around and Take Over Earth? 6/28/23
The Corruption of POTUS, SCOTUS and SCROTUS 6/25/23
Best Thing That Happened To Me This Week
Made pickles from raw chayote (called pipinola here in Hawaii) we grow here in our yard. After a few days in the fridge, they're crunchy and good. The chayote vines are easy to grow, and we harvest the shoots for stir-frying as a vegetable (photos below). The pipinola fruit can also be used as a substitute for squash or potato in stews and soups (photo below). This is a versatile, easy-to-grow vegetable to have around.
From Left Field
NOTE TO NEW READERS: This list is not comprised of articles I agree with or that I judge to be correct or of the highest quality. It is representative of the content I find interesting as reflections of the current zeitgeist. The list is intended to be perused with an open, critical, occasionally amused mind.
Many links are behind paywalls. Most paywalled sites allow a few free articles per month if you register. It's the New Normal.
The Curse Of Recursion (on the flaw in LLM AI) (via Richard M.)
Supreme Court ruling could chill labor strikes
‘We’re 1.8 billion people in the world’: the website that found a refreshing way to tell a community’s story
A Bank China Built to Challenge the Dollar Now Needs the Dollar
California went big on rooftop solar. Now that’s a problem for landfills (via Jeremy B.)
The end of the "vibecession"?
The Places Most Affected by Remote Workers’ Moves Around the Country
What a decades-long Harvard study tells us about mental health -- worth a read...
Spending Three Weeks in Finland Made Me Realize How Wretchedly Corrupt the US, UK, and Canada Are -- there are many clickbait headlines like this, but a few good points here....
Universal Basic Income Won’t Work and Here’s Why:It’s mathematically impossible for UBI to succeed in our corrupt economy.
Taylor Swift Has Rocked My Psychiatric Practice -- um, OK....
Hope in "End Times": Peter Turchin's analysis of our coming collapse could help us avoid it
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude." William James
Thanks for reading--
charles |
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