This Blog Sells Out (December 21, 2005)
It has long been a frustration that while other bloggers with a knack for political diatribe or describing the antics of their cute mutt Chuckles are raking in big bucks from Google ads and T-shirt and calendar sales, boasting of a million visitors a month, this poor blog with its mere 3,000 visitors a month generates absolutely no cash for its free-lance author. Well, that's about to change. Yes, for the big bucks--a deal with China.
Not China per se, but a Chinese firm, Kroika Cookie and Biscuit Company, KCBC for short. Truth be told, a little poking around leads me to suspect that KCBC is actually owned by the People's Liberation Army (PLA), which owns and operates a huge slew of legitimate firms in China--firms which are expanding globally despite their ownership by a Communist Army.
Lest this sound unsavory, let me reassure you that the Western partner in the firm is a reputable corporation with roots tracing back to the 1700s--The Royal Dutch Comestibles Trading Company. Like all the other secretive multinational Dutch corporations, RDCTC gained its first profitable footing in the exploiting-your-colonies trade of the 1700s, exporting bat guano and the once-plentiful and now rare Sumatran Boatplug hardwood. Having lost control of the seas to the British Fleet, the Dutch contented themselves with growing exceedingly rich via immensely wealthy and under-the-radar trading companies like DRCTC.
You may wonder why I am so free with criticism of my new sponsors. Actually, they want me to continue my skeptic's ways, as this will only build the credibility of their sponsorship. Devilishly clever, isn't it? Which explains why they picked my miserable little outpost on the Web as their foothold in America, rather than buying adspace on Chuckles' page, with its adorable banter about bratty kids, or "I hate (insert political figure or cause)" websites filled with mindless preaching to the choir: as obvious ads on blatantly commercial sites, they have no more credibility than, say, Pepperidge Farms.
The Farm, and Mother's, and other heretofore invulnerable purveyors of cookies--fear the Mighty Kroika. You who have thought your cookie empires protected by distance and secret recipes (intellectual property)--ha! Kroika has tested its recipes on hundreds of thousands of unwilling soldiers, weeding out both the bad recipes and the insufficiently motivated soldiers in the process. With the persnickety Dutch in charge of quality--who knew the butter could be so good from Xiangxi?--Kroika Cookie and Biscuit Company is about to show those snooty Milano makers what a real cookie is like--tough, resourceful, imbued with the chi gained from long years of toil, yet soft as the yin in a baby's smile--behold the Kroika Cookie!
OK, that was a little over the top. This first sponsorship check is just so huge, so astonishing, that I got carried away. I will return to the skeptical intellectualizing tomorrow. Remember the name: Kroika!
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copyright © 2005 Charles Hugh Smith. All rights reserved in all media.
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