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Ten Guaranteed Predictions for the Future   (February 16, 2006)

While it is certainly true no one can precisely predict future events, that doesn't mean we can't safely predict certain elements of the future. For instance, I guarantee these ten predictions will all come true by 2012:

1. A new diet will promise weight loss. Perhaps it will be cranberries, cream cheese and oatmeal bagels; perhaps not. But it will contain ordinary foods which have been "discovered" to contain fabulously powerful anti-oxidants or other compounds.

2. A massive, costly study will prove the new diet has no measurable effect on subjects' weight loss.

3. Yet another massive, costly study will prove the health benefits of regular vigorous exercise, sex and a varied diet filled with fresh fruits and vegetables.

4. The vast majority of people will continue to eat foods which are not good for them and exercise sporadically. They will, however, continue to indulge in sex.

5. A new type of cosmetic treatment or procedure will sweep first Hollywood, then the country club set and then the Oprah Nation, promising a safe way to peel years of age and general haggardness from tired flesh.

6. Exhaustive studies will find that the new cosmetic procedure's effects are not very enduring and may harm deep tissues, causing the patient to look worse than if they'd had no procedure or treatment in the first place.

7. Youth will finally drop the sagging pants look as passe and rediscover some past trend to make their own. Good prospects: gingham shirts, Nehru jackets, collarless shirts, dopey-looking hats.

8. For yet another decade, "cool" will still be cool. The Jazz Age word continues to reference itself.

9. A hot new stock will defy the pundits' low expectations and continue to climb way past any rational valuation. When the pundits and analysts finally get on board, it will plummet.

10. A new business book will propel to the best seller list, promising a new way of management, enlightened capitalism and personal growth--all in an easy-to-digest bulleted Powerpoint format.

And as a lagniappe, 11. You will buy a copy of the writer's novel I-State Lines (Permanent Press, April 2006) either because you like the book or because you feel sorry for the poor, dumb unknown fool who wrote it. (OK, maybe this won't come true, but you can't blame a guy for trying.)

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copyright © 2006 Charles Hugh Smith. All rights reserved in all media.

I would be honored if you linked this wEssay to your site, or printed a copy for your own use.

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