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Welcome to the Kroika Cookie and Biscuit Company (KCBC)  

Kroika Cookies are an entirely imaginary culinary delight (at least at the moment). This means that while your enjoyment of the cookies must also reside in the imagination, the joys of the Kroika story and advertisements are very real.

Kroika is a joint venture of the People's Liberation Army (PLA), which owns and operates a huge slew of legitimate firms in China, and The Royal Dutch Comestibles Trading Company (DRCTC), which traces its roots to the East Indies trade in bat guano and the once-plentiful and now rare Sumatran Boatplug hardwood in the early 1700s.

Kroika has chosen my tiny outpost on the web as its lead marketing vehicle in the U.S. You may well wonder why such a powerful international joint venture would bother with a free-lance writer's modest weblog. But this lowly free-lance site has one thing the heavily compromised competition does not: credibility.

Though Kroika pays me a magnificient sum for my advice and marketing, they have relinquished all editorial control. So I am free to say the PLA is a tyrannical, nightmarish nest of psychotic militarists, and that the Royal Dutch Comestibles Trading Company is a greedy, hypocritical den of slobbering pirates whose entire capital was gained on the backs of enslaved natives. See?

Why are the head snakes at Kroika willing to put up with such a lousy deal? Credibility and controversy sell. Since I refuse all ads and sell nothing directly, there's no reason to visit except my commentaries and the Kroika ads I've designed, of course.

The ads are a big draw because they're incredibly hip and cool. Some might say amateurish and nonsensical, but please don't tell that to Kroika management; they think they're getting cutting edge ads here. And in the sense no one else is producing ads like this, then they certainly are on some sort of edge (perhaps that of good taste).

The Kroika Story

Doom and Gloom Sells (Kroika Cookies)

The Kroika Mascot--"Auspicious Pet"

Wal-Mart and Kroika

Kroika and Starsbuck Take a Hit


Don't miss our other imaginary brands, Jank Coffee and Cervantes Beer


copyright © 2006 Charles Hugh Smith. All rights reserved in all media.


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